Getting Ready

This week several people have asked "are you ready" when discussing the upcoming LapBand procedure.  I have answered yes, and felt very honest with that reply.  Until today.  First time I have felt ANY anxiety about having this done.  I was grocery shopping with my kids, and suddenly I felt like, wow...I can't eat this, and that, and that, and OMG...I start my liquid diet on Monday..."am I going to make it ok?" I asked myself.  My stomach started turning and I felt nervous.  I still feel that way, that is what prompted me to blog.  I have been pretty darn confident up until this point.  Life is going to change, BIG time.  Maybe I should be a little nervous.  I know I need to do this...I just want my brain to cooperate with my body.  My mind has won most battles, overriding my fleeting thoughts of "this isn't good for you Mis" or "stop shoveling it in" or "do you really need to eat that?"  SOMETHING in my brain has the power to override these thoughts and go on "auto-pilot" and do what I call brainless eating.  I have not done that in a while, but I guess it is like an addiction...I am fearful of losing control again.  Maybe that is the reason for the anxiety today.  Fearful of failing.  Like so many times in the past.  I have conquered so many things in my life~but the battle with food, well, need I say...I haven't conquered that one?  I am doing better, doing pretty good actually...but the fear is always there.  I have to be strong.  I have to do this.  I will not let food defeat me.  I have to do this for ME.
Part of me wants to go crazy and eat whatever I want this weekend.  Have a last "hurrah."  But then I think it will be too easy to want to continue that and then this life change will be even more difficult.  Hmmm, I am struggling...guess it is normal.  I feel like I will be mourning...the love affair with food is coming to an end.  Or is it just a new beginning?  To live my life and not be this overweight?  Now that is a nicer thought.  Need to be positive :)

Peace and Health,
Melissa