I don't really know what to say today. Unfortunately, I feel an overwhelming state of sadness around me. I can't put my finger on just one thing, but will say that coping is extremely difficult. I want to eat so bad. I want the comfort that comes with food. Something cheesy, buttery, soft...this has got to be the most difficult. I can cry just thinking about it. On one hand I feel ashamed by telling this, but on the other, maybe I need to. I knew going into this that there was a huge MENTAL aspect, but had no idea to what level. It is a harsh realization that I turned to food so much in my life. A temporary comfort, but long lasting detriment. There really are NO vices for me to turn to...alcohol is a no no too, and I am not going to smoke, nor do I have a desire. I can't exercise to get my mind off of food. I am bored watching TV, and when I head for the fridge, all I can get is Jello or a popsicle. Ugghhhh....I have to persevere through this. My life depends on it. My quality of life depends on it too. I have to remind myself that these are hurdles for me to jump over. On a positive note, I am down 10 lbs from Monday. I am hopeful that keeps steadily dropping. I am trying to think of anything positive right now to keep me from feeling depressed. I could be doing this alone, and I am not. I have fantastic support from my family and friends. When you feel bad though, it is so much easier to see all of the negative. So, I will keep my chin up, and keep going. I will try to be patient. I WILL get through this.
Peace and Health,
Melissa
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